I'm Moving On!

In one of my favorite viral videos, this spunky little girl asserts that she is "MOVING ON! I'm going to Jen's!" after her brother throws dirt at her. This is the attitude I've largely had recently towards highschool and my current stage of life. People are rude in the hallway? I'm moving on! Freshman in PE won't be quiet? I'm moving on!

And I have done quite a bit of moving lately. This past weekend I physically moved into a brand new house, one that my family has spent months building. And in less than a month, I will graduate highschool and just three months after that will move across the country to attend college in Illinois. These changes are easily met with enthusiasm, excitement, and like the girl in the video. But change can also be emotional, and that ~emoness~ hit me last night as I found myself crying for no particular reason while unpacking boxes. Crying for no reason has been a facet of my teenage life, so my parents weren't too bothered. I went and listened to one of my favorite songs, Tame Impala's "Yes I'm Changing" which has the impactful lyrics.

"Yes I'm changing, yes I'm gone
Yes I'm older, yes I'm moving on
And if you don't think it's a crime you can come along, with me
Life is moving, can't you see
There's no future left for you and me
I was holding and I was searching endlessly
But baby, now there's nothing left that I can do so
So don't be blue
There is another future waiting there for you" 

Listening to this song helped me mellow out, but I was still left with the question- "Why, in light of all these exciting changes- am I sad?" I turned to psychology to help me get some answers.

1. According to Erik Erikson's Stages of Development I am in the Identity vs. Confusion stage of my development. 

I have been secure in my identity while in highschool. There's a number of labels that fit me: AP Student, Debater, Decathlete, etc. But as soon as I walk across the stage at graduation, those labels don't mean much anymore. My next stage is early adulthood, and I have no idea if I'm ready for it. All of this is bound to cause some emotional confusion. 

2. Taking a more biological view- my menstrual cycle probably had an effect on my recent emotional outburst. According to this blog post on Psychology Today, during the week of menstruation "you may cry easily as you let go of the thoughts that no longer serve you." My hormones are physically different, and I am symbolically restarting a cycle of life, which fits in with the major changes taking place.

3. I'm probably trying to decide where I fit in the world, as far as freedom goes. This blog on psychology today explains the push and pull of a graduating senior's desire for freedom. It asserts that "it feels like everything has changed and that the time to answer only to oneself has finally arrived." I probably do feel like this on some level, and these feelings are probably more confused by the fact that I actually just moved back in with my parents after months of staying with my grandmother while the house was being built. Basically, I'm sorting out how much autonomy I have, or even want, and that can be emotional. 

Regardless, for better or worse, I'm Movin On!